ODA : Illustrating The Continuity of Crap
ODA : Distinguishing between The Stick and The Beater
If No News Is Good News,
How Is It They Keep Manufacturing It ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, so, so, to Ye Mancitionary
INTRO:
This small insignificant and humble work,
begun by the grace of your God in the year of Christ J. H. MMXII
with acknowledgement here for the inspiration which started our little task to:
The Very Rev, The Most Venerable and Learned, Prof Melly R. of VIZ,
is here launched on ye www in order to guide the traveller from foreign climes
through the intricacies of the words of the worlds most advanced civilisation degeneration
known as:
! MANCSHIRE !
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Pre 1: As/ the notes to The Wom Page: The layout + notes, especially when wonky due to html layout difficulties we’re encountering to this and pages other, is not to good at all below, (me ex wife’s more stable),
but, but, but, please bare (wey hey !) with us and it’ll be sorted to as best can shortly. 🙂
The present below is an update that shouldn’t need doing:
In order to render this bloody listing to some kind of legible order
with, for the umpteenth whinge, this XXXXing html set-up we’re struggling with
A Pre Note No 1 Dr3 grovel: PM Thursday 26-July-2012.
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Pre 2:
So, To Ye Tome:
This here below writ in order that foreign peoples might be illuminated and educated in our delightful,lilting, mellifluous tongue we doth here include a short listing of some of our more commonly found words & phrases (and all that sphericals):
A guide to the foremost kulture of the known world.
The language is well recognised and used in many of the outlying annexes of intellectual salubrity within the Greater Manc area such as Macc and Owdham
and the below can be considered a good ~ guide to the general lingua Frog of the NW,
but for Scouseland where they do things differently.*
(*But they do do some very nice skag and always have an extensive selection of alloys for sale)
This guide will carry a traveler through most situations he might encounter in our fair land.
However, for your safety, a short note of caution:.
Although one might, with study and due diligence, attain a working knowledge and some alacrity in usage and indeed find you can ‘rub along’ in intercourse with those of Gods own privvy, one must never assume one has gained full fluency as you might well be talking to someone from the other side of the street where they say things different.
You are further warned that what you assume to be ‘The City of Manchester’ is in fact two cities and The City of Salford does in fact stand alongside Manc (not by choice they tell us).
The above note of caution is especially relevant if venturing into Salford as even the normally mild people of the more gentile areas of Lower Broughton, Cross Lane and Langworthy
might well take exception to your faux pars from over the river.
Should the situation arise such that you might have bruised local sensitivities,
if you do explain to them you are indeed not from Manchester but from far abroad, (say Australia, at least, for safety),
and offer to purchase a few grams of their fresh organic home grown produce,
then they will usually grant you safe passage. (ALWAYS on strict condition you only deal with them in future).
A pronunciation guide key to The International Phonetic Alphabet System is to follow as we expand the tome.
NB ref Layout – Notes ad hoc writ in cluster of interest/ subject are done to date.
ie Strict alphabetical ordering partially done to date within confines of Subject Clusters.
ie THE BELOW ARE YET TO BE FETTLED TO FULL:
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List processional order to date:
MANC
Ye Queeny’s English ( / Nearest ! ) definition / translation
ie We’re putting ye definition under The Tongue of The Gods word.
We’re also taking the opportunity to categorise things, hopefully, a little better.
SECTION 0: WORDS & EXPRESSIONS GENERAL:
ABOUT
Without
Especially in relation to being bereft of fiscal capacity
{As in (instance/ eg):
Arm ABOUT an canna get ter match}
ARM
I am
AN / ARN
And
ARL
I will
ARV
I have (ie done X / got X)
ARZ
I am / I am going to
BOOGER
Bugger !
BOOGER-OFF
Bugger-off !
A mild form of rejection and rebuff
BOOGER-ALL
Nothing/Nowt, Zero, Empty etc
BREW
1: Tea
2: A hill or any long mod/ severe slope
BURRIT
But it
BUZ
An omnibus
ME BUZ
1: The one I am about to board
2: My motor carriage
COAT OF LOOKING AT
An examination / inspection / survey
CRIMBO
Christmas
DIDDLE
Have sexual intercourse with
DODDLE
Easy
FER
For
FERT
1: Belonging to
2: For to (do something)
{As in (instance/ eg):
Arm gerrin on me muffer FERT kep mi warm and am gerrin wom ner FERT th’eat mi chips and gravy}
FLAT CAP
Minimum remuneration
FUCK
A common grammatical interjection and punctuation
used to break-up a sentence and also to add emphasis where thought needed.
When expressed as its common verb ‘fucking’
it is of very common practice not to pronounce the last letter.
{As in the common response of a Manc when invited to pass critique on
the state/ quality of any subject of point that,
after his having already having given it a ‘coat of looking at’ previously,
(usually carried out whilst passing on the bus),
he has already deemed defective:
‘If you fuckin’ fuckers had asked this fuckin fucker about the fuckin fucker in the first fuckin place,
this fuckin fucker would have told you fuckin fuckers that the fuckin fuckers fucked’}
FOOK
A variation of fuck.
Generally used as an adjective as/ directly below (eg)
FOOKIN ELL
1: An expression of abject surprise.
2: An expression of resignation to a thought inevitable, usually detrimental, outcome of a situation
Pronunciation usually modified by extending and emphasising the middle syllables
{As in (instance/ eg):
FOOKIN ELL !
(1) E’s left is ale alf supped and gon wom ter is kid an it’s only half past ten.
Arm sure e’s sicknin fert summat. FOOOOKIN ELL, FOOOOKIN ELL (ie x2 utterances)}
GARRIN Getting / obtaining
GERRIN ditto
GINNEL
An alley / entry to a yard (say) / open/ (generally) covered passage
GOBBIN-OFF
Pronouncing. Having verbal intercourse. Speaking
GONNER
Going (to)
(A) GONNER
The deceased
GOWIN
Going
INNER
In a . . . …
INNIT
Is it not ?
JAG
A journey/ a distance generally of note when considered v/v the manner of travel
eg It’s 8 mile wom ter Owdham an arm without so arl have fert leg it;
that’s a fair JAG when when yer pissed
eg Me tart’s gone workin in Brum fer 3 months.
That’s a 160 mile round trip just to diddle er an that’s too much of a JAG fer my owd bus ter der regular.
Our kid’s a long distance driver.
Ar wonder if e’ll give er one fer me when e’s passing on one of ‘is long distance JAGS ?
KECKS
Any wear, inner or outer, between the waist and the feet
MELK
A person of a weak mental/ psychological disposition
{As in (instance/ eg):
Yer fuckin great big soft tart, it’s only just started freezing and it always does in July anyway.
Get thee muffer off, thar’s nowt but a fuckin great big MELK}
(Compare Nesh)
MI
Me / Mine
MITHER
Annoyance/ trouble/ the aggravation of same
FULL MONTY
All/Everything, Complete, Fullness etc
NER
Now
NERR
An expression of declination
NESH
Of weak physiology
{As in (instance/ eg):
When it hasn’t stopped raining for 6 weeks solid (ie When the weather is normal):
Yer fuckin
(Compare Melk)
NOWT / NART
Nothing
NOWTY
On edge / overly sensitive / easily upset / ‘touchy’
ONE EYED BABY-SITTER
A television receiving set (ie Mr Baird’s apparatus)
(A) ROBERTSONS MAN
Anyone with a well developed sun tan who hales from warmer/tropical climes
SEN
Self
SITHEE
Please pay attention [See you (lit)]
Compare with partings / leavings
SMALE
Some ale (/ beer)
SPOGGA
Chewing gum
SUMMAT
Something
(definite article)
SUP-OOP
Drink-up (all you have in front of you / is available)
THEAT
To eat
THESTER
Easter
THETTAN
Eaten
TERMORRER
Tomorrow
THAR
You (from Old English ‘thee’)
{As in (instance/ eg):
THAR’S not gerrin ter match wivim}
THARL
You will (do X) (from Old English ‘thy will’)
{As in (instance/ eg):
THARL not be gerrin wom fert thi tea if tha dinner gerra move-on sharpish}
THAR You / Yours
THARS
1: Yours
2: You are / You are going to
THART
That (The definite article)
{As in (instance/ eg):
Thart Albert Clogbottom’s a fookin twat.
THEE / THI You
THOU You
THIS AFFY
This afternoon
TODDLE
Walk
WAKES
Annual summer holiday (Previously characterised by total shutdown of mills)
WHIT
Whit week period
WIV
With
WIVVER
With her
WIVVDEM
With them
WIVDOSE
With those
WIVVIM
With him
YER
Your
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SECTION 1:
FORMS of ADDRESS & GREETING:
LUV
The most common familiar address to the opposite sex and female to female.
NB See H&S notices and notes of alterations when crossing borders in the Kulture section
CHUCK
Common familiar address to the opposite sex.
CHUCKY
ditto
Usually used when addressing a child,
however when used in conversation with an adult is a mild deprecation.
CHICK
ditto
COCK
Generally a term of edgy derision bordering on deprecation although it can,
with considered inflection, be used in a friendly manner especially when addressing a younger person,
again especially, in the manner of, eg: (Pre, say: Allo there mi owd) ‘Cock Sparrer’
SURREY
An undefined, bland, neutral form of address
mostly used in the southern part of the empire.
Generally applied when attempting to address someone who is not engaging fully with you
and to concentrate their attention on the subject of point to your good self.
As in: Si thi surrey, . . . . . …… [the fucking fuckers fucked (say)]
WEY-OOP
Excuse me Sir/Madam
WORRA YOU SELLING ?
Salford standard greeting and acknowledgement
KULTURAL NUANCES GENERAL:
From the Forms of Address above:
Concerning ‘Luv’:
NB H&S NOTICES to Foreign Gentlemen:
In Mancshire:
Gentlemen:
The use / receipt of this word by a member of the opposite party is NOT an invitation to enter into negotiations concerning the kecks dept.
Assumption of such is to invite a good Mathering if a gentleman assumes such from a lady.
Further – Change of addressing at/over borders: Should a male traveller leave our fair climes and venture east through the bad lands beyond Stalybridge:
In Tykeshire, especially Sheffield:
The address ‘Luv’ is considered of ‘unisex’ application,
and no sleight should be taken if used by a member of the same sex male/male.
It is easy to know when you’ve crossed our southern border, you’ll be addressed as ‘Duck’
(again generally of unisex usage)
On meeting our near northern border, Preston, the standard form of address is a miserable face, thus 🙁
On venturing further over our far northern border you’ll be addressed as ‘See yoos Jimmy’
On venturing over our western border you’ll be called ‘Lah’ (and have your alloys removed for safe keeping)
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SECTION 2:
PARTING – LEAVINGS:
AM GERRIN WOM
I am going home
FUCK OFF YER DAFT BUGGER AV YER NO WOM TER GOW TER ?
Good-bye, I do hope to see you soon
SITHEE
[See you again some time [lit) – Compare with ‘Please pay attention’]
Good-bye
TERRAR
ditto
TERRARA
ditto
YER BUZ’IZ JUST LEAVIN’
I think it is time for you to go now
WE’VE ‘AD OUR TEA, WHEN YER ‘AVIN YOURS ?
ditto
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SECTION 3: TERMS OF GRADATION:
BAZZIN
Excellent (ie Your team)
GRADELY
ditto
BAD
Any team other than yours
BIROV
A small amount of / A tendency
{As in (instance/ eg):
When one has inadvertently got overly tanked on a stag night and woken-up on top of Everest.
Upon surveying the scene:
‘Fuckin ell. That’s a birov a gradely brew down there.
Ow the fuckin fuck did we manage it last night with no street lamps on ?
Arl bet thee it’s gonner be nearly as interesting as sledgin’ backwards
dern Jutland Street or Joel Lane in January fer gerrin darn this’un an’ back wom fer tea’}
BERRER
Better
BOBBINS
Worthless (ie Any body else’s team)
RART (contractual)
Right !
1: An accedence to carry out a request / declaration of intent to do something.
2: The first half of the basis of Contractual Manc Law.
Further:
The second part; the anti-accedence, being:
YER NOR-ON YER FUCKIN GET.
DOBBIN
Absolute top quality
In Manc other: Top shelf
FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OFF YER TWAT AND CHANCE IT WITH SOME OTHER FUCKER.
Lord Copper. Park Bench. Morning Petty Sessions. Closet Queens Div. MMCXII
REET / RART
Correct (ie your team)
RUM
Not quite fully correct
Of indeterminate status SHIT OT Leading/ premier / Of best quality (ie Your team) TOP SHELF
Of high worth (article of point usually of small physical size)
(In Manc other: Dobbin) (ie Your team)
SHITE
Anybody who doesn’t support YOUR team
WRONG
Any other team than yours
WORSE
Any team other than yours
COWD
Cold
OT
Hot
SHIT OT
Boiling/ searingly hot / As/ above: Top self
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SECTION 4:
FAMILY:
DAD
The Pater
MAM
The Mater
OUR KID
1: A Sibling
2: An address of affection to any
3: My good lady
YOUR KID
Your good lady
YOUR FUCKIN(G) KID
Your sibling/ progeny that has caused annoyance
+
We include here:
WIGAN PIER
Home incl home/ local neighbourhood
WOM
Home
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SECTION 5: COMMON TERMS OF ORIENTATION:
OOP
Up
THUP
ditto
DARN
Down (adj)
DERN
Down (advb)
RART
Right
LEFT
T’other way
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SECTION 6: TECHNICAL TERMS:
For starting of this learned work we have chosen: A Short List of Common Architectural Terms:
AIR-HEAD
Architect
BBQ*
Engineer
(*From the Wimpey-Wankers Anthem: ‘The Engineer was a Bloody Big Queer’)
BWICK
Brick
CHIMMLEY
Chimney
COMPO
Mortar
CUNT
Site Agent
DOO-WER
Door
GURRER
Gutter
QUEER SOD
(This being the most generous of the many descriptions of the animal)
Quantity Surveyor
ROOVE
Roof
SCAFFOW
Scaffold
SCROG
Mortar
TH’OIL
Doorway
THAT TWAT
Clerk of Works
WINDDER
Window
WINDLE
Under-stair Cupboard
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SECTION 7: LE EPICUREAN DELIGHTS – TROUGHIN’:
Part 1: DINING PROTOCOLS:
BREKKY
Breakfast
DINNER
Do not
DINNER
Luncheon
Lunch
Packed lunch
SCRAN
Food
SNAP
Packed lunch / food
Part 2: LES(‘s) CUISINE:
TROUGH(ING)
The act of eating / a meal
BARM CAKE
What foreigners call a muffin / bap / bottom cake (Only berrer – Of course)
CHIPS & GRAVY
The area staple health food
CHIPS, PEAS & GRAVY
Exotic health food
FISH, CHIPS PEAS & GRAVY
Birthday feast / Christmas dinner
WIGAN PASTY
A meat & potato pie between two barm cakes
WIGAN KEBAB
A meat pie between two barm cakes
WIGAN SALAD
Cold chips
STEAK PUD
A suet delight filled with thickened gravy
STEAK PIE
A pastry delight filled with cat food
CHÂTEAUX SHARSTONS
Vinegar
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SECTION 8: LE DELIGHTS BACCHANALIAN – SUPPIN’:
Part 1: IMBIBING – TERMS NECTAR:
LUCOZADE
MEDICINE
POP S’MALE
TIZER
Beer (rare)
When one has imbibed:
BEEN AT THE LUCOZADE
Drunk
BLADDERED
”
BRIMMING / FULL
”
DEMOLISHED
”
EMPTIED THE CELLAR ” SUPPED-UP ALL ”
TANKED
”
TIZERED
”
TOTALLED
”
TAKEN TOO MUCH MEDICINE
”
WEE-WEE’ED
”
Part 2: THE WINE LIST:
Before venturing forth upon the delightful Salons de S’male
and the various artisan tavernas and cafes of our fair land,
the stranger to our exotic climes must be firstly made aware of
The Combined Universities of Manchester&Salford Rule of Ale Supping.
A very strong rule and much supported by long standing statistical analysis of
the most extensive and protracted field research results.
Those field results were originally examined by the shirtlifter Alan Turing using the
‘Fuckin Great Big Thingy with Lots of Valves and A Funny Smell in The Back Lab Machine’
(as it was the only bit of kit that would do the sums proper at the time
Alan having inadvertently left his slide-rule with a ‘friend’ and lodged in a most peculiar place
when he escaped from The Plods by jumping out of the Ladies bogs window of Tommy Ducks)
The overwhelming conclusion of the analysis is that it is 7 sigma proof of the stats
and now the ‘rule’ is to be shortly accepted by
The Royale Society of Gorton & Longsight as to be a law.
The Rule Is:
The quality of ale proffered over any given bar at any time,
is directly and inversely proportional to the size of the barmaids tits.
So, dear reader, we offer below a brief synopsis of the delights of our establishments:
BODDINGTONS
More commonly known as ‘Boddies’
Once Le Grande Premier Krug des Mancton,
now uprooted from its birthplace and living on past glories whilst existing in a chemical haze of modern brewing ‘efficiency’.
Reduced to searching for custom by putting up repeated advertising puffs of some small humour but much exaggeration
and thus giving silly pretentious spiv Tarquar ad-men ‘work’
aka In their world:
Just something else to lie and generally gob-off about
BURTONWOOD
From without the city boundaries, a rare vintage these days;
in fact it is uncertain as to if can still be got – ?
When found to good – Top Shelf stuff.
CAINES
The guest Scouse châteaux brewed premier crem nectar alas is no longer regularly available in Manconia since they shut the Gothic Bar in Gatley and flogged it to a Wop for another bloody caf.
Might still occasionally be got as guest barrel at real ale venues various.
CHESTERS
A now banned beverage ~ equivalent to an overly strong absinthe.
Much known for it’s peculiar effect of inducing acute feelings of friendliness and bonhomie especially at/ shortly after closing time.
HOLTS
Enjoying something of an renaissance of late however it is too early to tell if it is all just a spiv driven puff to retrieve lost custom – ?
Should that be so, be assured they’ll go down hill as/ when they think they’ve got the punters hooked.
Their public houses are much improved of late with one having a wash basin in the Gents.
Recent vintages have been found to be improved also.
HYDES
As/ Holts
MARSTONS
The indefinite article.
ROBINSONS
More commonly known as ‘Robbies’
An inconsistent nectar much like the little girl of the poem:
When it’s good it’s very very good,
When it’s bad, most of the landlords these days will still sell it.
Has some sub-vintages which are of indecent strength and are sold to NASA for extended mission fuel – ‘Old Tom’ being the best known of these.
WILSONS (defunct)
Formerly a commonly available standard tipple throughout Mancshire.
Of generally acknowledged average repute and usually agreed to be of not of top-table worthiness even in its rare pristine form when got straight from the brewery châteaux. It was distinguished by its strength usual at source, when, as/ above, this could be got, which gave lack of need, by the average landlord usual, to add too much of it to the water and slops in order to pass it off as alcoholic, and its seemingly very common characteristic of keeping its once established aficionados for life, they then eschewing all others offerings.
RIP Wilsons. dcd. (finally) 1998.
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SECTION 9: REST & RECREATION
Part 1: THE AREA’S FAVOURITE RETREATS & HEALTH SPAS:
DAISY NOOK
An ex WWI army extreme training ground used to
harden-up death or glory assault squaddies for The Somme campaigns.
Now only churned at Easter weekend
(Snow and rain guaranteed every Good Friday)
BLACKPOOL
The std/ usual, but still universally considered as the exotic, holiday destination.
SOUTHPORT
Posh holiday destination.
MOR-E-CAM-BE
Ultra posh select Lancashire Riviera resort where Noel Coward wrote Private Deaths
(and Down & Out in Ancoats & Ardwick)
NEW BRIGHTON
H&S Warning : Only for the brave.
Generally considered as too close to bandit territory for the more faint hearted
RHYL
Something unspeakable in Welsh
(Or any language for that matter)
WIGAN PIER
Staying at wom with the curtains shut during Wakes Week
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SECTION 10: RELIGIONS:
Although there are many small sects in the area with some people still even supporting Oldham Arthritic, and the odd one who eternally cling to belief in salvation and redemption attending The Stockport Church of County,
only two are officially recognised: United & City,
or if you’re talking to a City fan: City & United (to be polite).
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SECTION 11: RHYMING SPEECH:
Pre:
Although known and used occasionally, (generally in a light hearted manner / in jest);
unlike other parts of the world such as the far off land of Cockneyovia where it is used extensively,
Manc-shprech has somehow not assimilated the practice to any great extent.
We proffer a few (of the few) more well known ones
TOM MIX (?) A polite enquiry into the disposition of another
especially in relation to their capacity to carry-out a task/ similar.
From rhyme: Tom Mix – How are you fixed ?
CHEADLE HEATH Teeth
Very occasionally shortened to ‘Cheadles’
MATHER All/ any of The Ladies.
From the well known Salford and Newton Heath former electrical engineering concern of high repute.
(TO) MATHER To hit, usually repeatedly until the other party is won over to your point of view.
aka A Newton Heath negotiation
From the well known Salford and Newton Heath former electrical engineering concern of high repute.
(A) MATHERING A good hiding
From the well known Salford and Newton Heath former electrical engineering concern of high repute.
aka Extreme debating
ERRR, WELL A jocular play for time in speech
Explanatory: From reference to the purest of waters sparkling that flow between Mancton proper and Salford
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SECTION 12: COMMON SUNDRY EXCLAMATIONS:
KISS MY FRECKLE
Your most gracious offer
/
Your esteamed assertion of an alacrity and clarity unmatched
etc
is, with extreme regret, declined.
. . . . . . WITH THE WIDE END OF A RAG MANS TRUMPET . . . …
(WELL) BUGGER ME . . . . . . Oh dear !
(WELL) FUCK ME . . . . . . OH DEAR !
YOU NEED FUCKING . . . . . . I seriously request that you examine your reasons and stance after what you have done/said.
I’M GOING TO FUCK YOU . . . . . . You have caused me displeasure/discomfort
and I find I have no alternative but to remonstrate with you.
WELL, I’LL GO TO THE FOOT OF OUR STAIRS
1: Well fancy that, who would have thought it ?
2: I’m going to use the WC.
NOWT DOWN FER PAL
A declaration of rejection either with ref to Self, or directed as rejection to Other
As/ above: ALL <TBC>
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
THE SUB-NOTES STANDING, STD & USUAL:
JOINED-UP GOVERNMENT = JOINED-UP RESPONSIBILITY
VERGESSEN SIE NICHT:
IF NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS,
HOW COME THE BASTARDS KEEP MANUFACTURING IT ?
Oportet Operam Dore However, me thinks, it just depends what you’re working at. 😐 Old : Ed.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
And, don’t forget, ODA, supports, the Oxford,.
+ ! HELP ! – THEY’VE GOT OUR DNA !
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
! STOP PRESS !
An Inverse But Still Tasteful Marketing Promotion:
THE MERCHANDISE SHOP IS SHUT:
🙁
CLOSED FOR RE-FURB’ UNTIL
AUTUMN 2013 (Rev 1)
SEE THE NEARLY HEAD OF PAGE NOTICES
TO NEARLY THE HEAD OF THE WOM PAGE !
! BUY ODA T-SHIRTS WHEN WE RE-OPEN
(YOU BASTARDS) !
Or the girl gets it !
(I wish – PLEASE don’t tell Mrs Ed)
COMING SOON – POST TAB RESPONSE FACILITY TO ALL ON ODA SITE
ie Your chance to comment
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> THIS PAGE : Description : An attempt to bring true kulture to an unenlightened world <
> THIS PAGE : Make-Up : The foundation stone of all true intercourse : Communication <
> THIS PAGE : Last Update Proper Loaded : As/ below <
> THIS PAGE : Latest Draft to Above : AM Monday 01-JULY-2013. <
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All times noted to writings to >Railway Time=London Greenwich< * PROPER.
None of that funny foreign ‘Eastern Seaboard Time’ etc
(Which they use in Clacton-on-Sea)
or even any of that UDT. (Lark wot owr milkman ‘as)
* GMT. + When in season, easy-read BST.
(Which surprisingly contains no added E-Numbers, hydrogenated oils or salt
and is thought to be non-fattening and harmless to animals)
May Might Does not contain nuts.
(Noted for the sake of any passing plebs who may might be considering it
for referral to their social worker as grounds for their next claim)