ODA : Illustrating The Continuity of Crap
ODA : Distinguishing between The Stick and The Beater
If No News Is Good News,
How Is It They Keep Manufacturing It ?
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Slavery @ ODA : Ye Jobs
WANTED:
No 1 : ANIMATOR(S)
Simple format cartoons : 2D only needed / 3D a bonus.
Style – Open, but preference here expressed for ‘Southpark’ type.
Pref Manc based, but open to foreigners:
Brummies, Fenners, Geordies (& Mackams), Oggies, Scousers, Tykes,
& even, even, even . . . …… Cockneys*
(*Despite the piss-poor performance, to date, of only one engaged. You can’t condemn ’em all for one hollow nut and they have had the good grace to take this Olympic thingy and the foreigners various attached into their back yard and not let it infiltrate civilisation too much, AND . . . ………………………………………… Trumans is making a come-back !)
+
Taffs, Jocks, Paddies, Yessirs & Chucktas
+
Even those from The Overseas Dependencies (USA etc) operating via ye www
So see Mr/Ms Ist-ist Polizei Monitor – No racial bars here !
Would suit:
Students
Self Employed Bods
or
Really Impoverished Established Studio Practices proper
NB. With ref to all trades, but ANIMATORS ESPECIALLY
Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please:
If your verbal conversation is a stifled unintelligible mutter occasionally interspersed with
‘cool, awesome, funky or pants’,
and long unaccountable silences,
and everything which should really be referred to by name as
the definitive article(s) of point of the subject(s) under discussion
to which you might from time to time be so troubled to refer to by coming out of silence,
is always ‘like’ the subject of point to your pronouncement of the time.
ie You display a habitual inability to identify the subject(s) of your discourse particular to the positive.
ie Put other: Never is the subject of your verbal emission defined and expressed proper.
+
Your work production rate is slower than that of a rare Mexican cactus with acute constipation.
ie In short – You’re like your mates of peer group.
* Best way forward from here – Piss-off now and save us all time. *
In Summary:
.1: If you are at par for the course and as/ the rest of your peer group as/ above:
ie Can’t construct English that can be understood by us or even, we venture,
The Hitch-Hikers Galaxy Guide Babel Fish,
and are generally lost at large to verbal communication to/ with
any others of the greater world outside your esoteric clique;
ie Do not exist beyond the screen of your own synthetic world,
nor can even remotely comprehend that any other does, then refer to *below.*
.2: Thinks that deadlines are for mortals.
* IN REPEAT OF THAT ABOVE -SAVE US ALL TIME- DON’T BOTHER. *
Interview Techniques – *Top Tips for Any Applicant:
If you manage to turn-up within a fortnight of the appointed time,
and within the same moon cycle,
BUT WITHOUT those silly squashed oblong black rimmed glasses which we doubt have anything to do with assisting your eyesight, nay more allied to adjusting your image presented to your public,
also, in the same manner of ‘attire’, piercings of such size and number that you cause a serious hazard to the radar Doppler-shift calcs at Ringway Control Tower, and indeed of such propensity that the local gypo’s are permanently trying to kidnap you for a weigh-in so big they can safely fuck-off back to Ireland and retire, and your hoodie is pulled so far down your face (assumed present in full), that it is impossible to see it in any where near full so then having to rely on what can be gleaned from the two black dots in bloodshot background barely visible beneath above spectacles when glimpsed during one of your sporadic involuntary head movements symptomatic of your general condition, (Good Thing / Bad Thing . . . … we ponder ??????), and the sleeve(s) of said garment that are now set solid at wrist area having been used for the past 18 months to wipe snot off your (assumed present – ?) face + beverage spillages various and diverse off your keyboard + we shudder to think what else and from where else, and your jeans dropping-off so far off your arse that they permanently look as though they are going to trip you up by binding your ankles in a locked swathe of greasy denim rags, and looking as though they are only worn in a vain and failed attempt to cover a rare genital fungus yet to be classified by science, and thus giving you a gait such that if it were to be seen manifest without such encumbrances of said apparel and along with your traits other would almost certainly qualify you for every UK disability allowance and support EVER offered by HM Governments past & present despite the recent restrictions draconian to the point of total withdrawal of all help to all BUT blind deaf limbless bald paraplegics with bad breath and continuous flatulence + terminal (shortly) everything else IF they can wangle a note from The Home Sec + Chief Medical Officer countersigned by HM in blood with the Royal Seal appliqué over set by The Lord Privy Himself in the presence of The Lord Chancellor + The AofC + The Master of The Supreme Court; they verifying that the said applicant is not putting on an act, and you, our said applicant, are generally emitting a permanent odour of sour coffee, alco-pops and overly strong weed however none from no perceptible orifice particular, (indeed of such all pervading and far reaching invasiveness that the hanging fly-paper in our outside lav at the bottom of the garden has been know to swing like a lodestone dowsing pendulum towards the interview room whilst you are en presence), whilst you shuffle and fidget uncomfortably on your chair vaguely attempting to disguise the DT’s of last night’s little social soirée + the now accumulated previous excesses a la tablet sundry, powders various + every wreck’s perennial favourite, White Lightning, by attempting, with limited success due to the above fidgeting and tremors generale, to keep your hands hidden behind your back; ALL, we note with not some little admiration for the alacrity you manage to show given your disposition as/ above, whilst attempting to look, (we think – ?), out of the window in an attempt to convey your disdainful opinion of us mere mortals who have had the temerity to make call on you to here attend thus diverting you from your screen of true calling and negating your attaining level 666 in the latest www gaming ‘Kill Everything Everywhere’ fad using your THE very latest, ‘Cutting/Leading Edge Controller Guaranteed To Give YOU The True In The Moment Always On The Ball Full Gaming Full Surround Experience’ (etc – TBC) until you can manage escape this awful imposed interrogation with your Job Seekers Card stamped for the Sosch/ NAB/ Club (etc) and return safely to your bedroom
[ To date, the above relates to the girls (at least we think they were – ?) only ]:
STOP NOW.
GO AWAY AND PLAY WITH YER X THINGY IN YER BEDROOM ‘TILL YER WRIST GETS TIRED
(COOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooL etc)
DO NOT RETURN – AGAIN.
BUT:
Should you first seek employ by:
Wearing a shirt and tie
/
Wearing a shirt
/
WEARING AN ODA T-SHIRT ( Most Obviously – The ONLY way to true salvation )
You’re on the way to getting a hearing !
*Source and as/ The Cambridge Tripos + Oxford Entrance Interview Boards Recommendations.
By Order: Proctors Office. Gorton Coll. Michaelmas 2011.
(TOP TIPS. These days: Bring yer own Port & Stilton)
CONTACT via: Snail Mail Letter ONLY.
(That should give you something to think about.
If you can manage that then we will raise a slight hope for you)
🙂
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No 2 : CARTOONISTS
Std box / Strip type on mostly political topics current, but field is open to random subjects other.
Style – Open, but with a preference here expressed, for clear line drawing.
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No 3 : COLUMNISTS
Subject areas open, but of importance prime to us are good political ranters, of any persuasion,
preferably banging-on about political topics current.
For Subject Areas Other – See our Staff List for inspiration.
Would generally suite mature / retired professionals looking to stiff the bastards back with a bloody good valedictory.
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
NB.
.1: If your piece(s) is not written in clear, coherent, logical, correctly spelt ( 🙂 ) and annotated English,
fully referenced where appropriate,
and laid-out in a logical manner and presented in the format of our dictation,
it won’t be accepted.
ie Do your own proof reading first before you submit copy.
Don’t like that ?
Go and complain to The Equal Opportunities Commission if you can spell it.
(Incompetent Mongs Dept)
.2: Your accepted submission content general,
will then be usually published unedited but accompanied by ODA ‘disclaimers’ usual.
Edited publication to agreement of Writer<->ODA.
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No 4 : REPORTERS / GRASSES / SNITCHES / WHISTLE BLOWERS etc
General info original on preferably fresh topics and/or fresh aspects on existing ones
! WANTED !
All info ACCURATE (& preferably free !) gratefully received.
NB 1: The Contact Page is Open (Limited, but Open)
NB 2: Snail Mail works !
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
THE SUB-NOTES STANDING, STD & USUAL:
JOINED-UP GOVERNMENT = JOINED-UP RESPONSIBILITY
VERGESSEN SIE NICHT:
IF NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS,
HOW COME THE BASTARDS KEEP MANUFACTURING IT ?
Oportet Operam Dore
However, me thinks, it just depends what you’re working at. 😐 Old : Ed.
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And, don’t forget, ODA, supports, the Oxford,.
+
! HELP ! – THEY’VE GOT OUR DNA !
+
DON’T FORGET:
Dressing well and looking good are essential.
A purpose in life is not.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> THIS PAGE : Description : As/ page title and head of page notes <
> THIS PAGE : Make-Up : The search for the useful, by the hopeful, in perpetuity <
> THIS PAGE : Last Update Proper Loaded : As/ below <
> THIS PAGE : Latest Draft to Above : AM Monday 01-JULY-2013. <
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All times noted to writings to >Railway Time=London Greenwich< * PROPER.
None of that funny foreign ‘Eastern Seaboard Time’ etc
(Which they use in Wick)
or even any of that UDT. (Lark wot owr milkman ‘as)
* GMT. + When in season, easy-read BST.
(Which surprisingly contains no added E-Numbers, hydrogenated oils or salt
and is thought to be non-fattening and harmless to animals)
May Might Does not contain nuts.
(Noted for the sake of any passing plebs who may might be considering it
for referral to their social worker as grounds for their next claim)
PS. We’re NOT throwing these two in as part of any bargain
