ODA : Illustrating The Continuity of Crap
ODA : Distinguishing between The Stick and The Beater
If No News Is Good News,
How Is It They Keep Manufacturing It ?
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IN MEM‘
:2012:
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FOR THIS PAGE :
If you recognise your own name below:
! YOU’VE FINALLY MADE IT !
! THE SEND-OFF YOU DESERVE !
eg Remember what a homage Uncle (‘I’m bad’) Michael got ? : See below
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YE CLARIFICATIONS OF STYLE / DISCLAIMERS bit:
As/ the note to The Home Page + Elsewhere:
Strong Language & Controversial Comments Below.
Some People Might Find Them Offensive.
It is gutter humour for the most part:
The easy way to deal with it if you can’t ‘gel’ with the idiom:
JUST GO AWAY.
Try telling that to the bods below . . . . …… ! Old : ( Getting older, and looking forward to me own entry )
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> THIS PAGE ORDER:
Last to step-out (I might be some time etc) to the head of list <
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Ravi Shankar
Player par excellence of Bloody Big Banjos
Popped In: 07-04-1920.
Jossed It: 11-12-2012.
Little bit ragged now Ravi ?
Tributes:
TBC.
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2012 – DECEMBER
Alex Moulton
Engineer + Bicycle Innovator and Manufacturer
Popped In: 09-04-1920.
Jossed It: 09-12-2012:
Alex just moved on to the next stage in the cycle of life
Tributes:
TBC.
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Patrick Moore
Astronomer
Played The Xylophone
(Thank You Mr Weebl : Watch on You Tube)
Popped In: 04-03-1923.
Jossed It: 09-12-2012:
Patrick was found to have gone very suddenly.
He bled to death from an old complaint that went critical without warning –
Dropped Asteroids (from the Orion cluster)
Tributes:
Patrick Moore died yesterday.
The BBC said he’d be hard to eclipse
A sun has gone out of lives.
(Thank fuck he wasn’t given to mooning)
Comet have a lot to answer for.
Patrick Moore
RIP.
Gone to a far, far, far better place
(DAVE – Mon-Fri: Nightly 23.50hrs)
Stop Press
Mr Moore’s not dead.
He’s just gone to Mars playing his xylophone –
Curiosity got the better of him.
For Sale
x1 Xylophone
x20 Telescopes
x1 Monocle
x1 Pr Eyebrow Trimmers (unused)
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2012 – NOVEMBER
Everybody present and correct.
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2012 – OCTOBER
Everybody present and correct.
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2012 – SEPTEMBER
Everybody present and correct.
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2012 – AUGUST
‘Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, doing it, and not giving a damn’
‘For satisfaction – It is not enough that one should succeed. One’s friends should fail as well’
Gore Vidal.
Popped In: 03-10-1925.
Jossed-it: 31-07-12.
Vidal Lad,
Don’t rest in peace, give the bastards the treatment wherever you gone. 🙂
Old :
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2012 – JULY
Everybody present and correct.
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2012 – JUNE
Tom Maynard
Popped In: 25-03-1989.
Jossed It: 18-06-2012.
Cricket Score Reports:
Surrey v London Underground 1st XI (ton)
Surrey last man Maynard out for 0. Hit the buffers at extended play Sun 24-06-12.
Caught slip at the railway end. Umpires considering appeal for bad light.
🙁 RIP Tom Maynard – 1988 – 2012. 🙂
A good young life cut short.
If reincarnation is making a come-back, please do it soon Tom.
There but for the grace of God go all 24 year olds.
We managed to get away with such at that age,
it could so easily have been any of us.
🙁 again, 🙁
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2012 – MAY
Donna Summer
Popped In: 31-12-1948.
Jossed It: 17-05-2012.
Bye-bye Donna Summer Disco Queen.
As @ todays date of writing, Thursday 24-05-12,
we’ve received absolutely nowt as regards the usual salutatory send-off texts normally accompanying such a loss.
So, so, so, be straight and and nice and the world ignores you.
Whitney Houston must be pissing herself in disco heaven.
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2012 – APRIL
All still breathing !
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2012 – MARCH
Jockey Wilson
Darts Player
Popped In: 22-03-1950.
Jossed It: 24-03-2012.
Jockey Wilson’s jossed-it. 🙁
A lifetime of a traditional Scottish piss-poor diet laden with fat and sugar + the late nights and travelling attendant to his chosen profession + drinking & smoking finally caught up with him – He finished his days in a Kirkcaldy Council bedsit . . . …
Now, there’s an opening for you – Thought of a second career in darts ?
Jockey Wilson bumps into George Best and Hurricane Higgins strolling in Heaven
What brings you here, asks George ?
+ + + + + + + + + + + + +
A Special Noting : Not Yet Gone But Soon To Be Forgotten:
With receipt of the announcement that you intend soon to step out of your frock,
a pre-emptive farewell to Rowan Williams,
10 years as the muppets’ A. of C.,
In more sense than one.
J. C. Throb (no relation, but ta again Eye)
(2012 1/4)
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2012 – FEBRUARY
Davy Jones
Singist
Popped In: 30-12-1945.
Jossed It: 29-02-2012.
Wey Hey, you were a Monkee,
Now your not hanging around,
Wey Hey, you were a Monkee,
Now yer goin straight in the ground.
Wey Hey you were a Monkee,
A multi-millionarre, living in California,
Didn’t get shot and yer managed to fuckin joss-it at 66 ?
Worra fuckin burk. 🙁
Thought me tart were joking when she said that Davy Jones from the Monkees had jossed-it. Then I saw her face.
Now I’m a bereaver!
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Frank Carson
Comedian
Popped In: 06-11-1926.
Jossed It: 23-02-2012.
Frank arrives at The Pearly Gates (no relation)
St Pete: Frank, we’re turning you round and sending you straight back – Quick reincarnation job.
Carson: Feck-off, I want a rest. 🙁
Pete: You’ve not been bad enough for The Other Place so back down you go.
Carson: ?????? – OK. Oi’ll do a spot every week in the soc’ club for nowt.
Pete: Frank, to be quite frank, I’m frankly trying to avoid being frank: Frankly Frank, It’s not only ‘The Way You Tell Em’, your jokes are shite as well.
Fuck-Off.
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Whitney Houston
Disco Singer
Popped In: 09-08-1963.
Jossed It: 11-02-2012.
Found an old black bag full of drugs floating in the bath yesterday. Called the Emergency Services right away but Whitney was dead by the time the ambulance arrived.
! Film Releases !
Whitney Houston stars in The Body Bag.
Q&A Time:
Q : What’s 6″ long and didn’t get sucked on Valentines Day ?
A : Whitney Houston’s crack pipe
Q : What’s pink and remains lying forgotten on a door mat ?
A : Whitney Houston’s Valentine Card.
Came home last night and the wife asks ‘Do you fancy a bit of role play tonight ?
I thought ! YUP ! : OK. You dress up like Whitney Houston and I’ll run a bath. 🙂
What’s not often remembered about Whitney Huston is just how good company she was;
always up for the craic on all occasions.
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2012 – JANUARY
Bob Holness
TV Presenter
Popped In: 12-11-1928.
Jossed It: 06-01-2012.
Me tart just told me that a ‘Bob Holness’ was dead.
Me: Bob who ?
She: You do know, the one in Blockbusters
Me: Just how long was that queue ???
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THE SUB-NOTES STANDING, STD & USUAL:
VERGESSEN SIE NICHT:
IF NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS,
HOW COME THE BASTARDS KEEP MANUFACTURING IT ?
Oportet Operam Dore However, me thinks, it just depends what you’re working at. 😐
Old : Ed.
And, don’t forget, ODA, supports, the Oxford,.
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! HELP ! – THEY’VE GOT OUR DNA !
! STOP PRESS !
An Inverse But Still Tasteful Marketing Promotion:
THE MERCHANDISE SHOP IS SHUT:
🙁
CLOSED FOR RE-FURB’ UNTIL AUTUMN 2013
SEE NOTICE TO HEAD OF WOM PAGE !
! BUY ODA T-SHIRTS WHEN WE RE-OPEN
(YOU BASTARDS) !
Or the girl gets it !
(I wish – PLEASE don’t tell Mrs Ed)
COMING SOON – POST TAB RESPONSE FACILITY TO ALL ON ODA SITE
ie Your chance to comment
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> THIS PAGE : Description : Tasteful Eulogies to The Dearly Departed <
> THIS PAGE : Make-Up : Total adulation (usually well, occasionally) <
> THIS PAGE : Last Update Proper Loaded : Last to head of page list <
> THIS PAGE : Latest Draft to Above/Page Layout : PM Saturday 13-July-2013. <
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All times noted to writings to >Railway Time=London Greenwich< * PROPER.
None of that funny foreign ‘Eastern Seaboard Time’ etc
(Which they use in Cromer)
or even any of that UDT. (Lark wot owr milkman ‘as)
* GMT. + When in season, easy-read BST.
(Which surprisingly contains no added E-Numbers, hydrogenated oils or salt
and is thought to be non-fattening and harmless to animals)
May Might Does not contain nuts.
(Noted for the sake of any passing plebs who may might be considering it
for referral to their social worker as grounds for their next claim)